


I Love, And I Love, And I Lost You

by writtingmuke



Series: Home [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Freeform, Luke still searching for Michael, M/M, but he never found him, its too late since michael had already leave them, luke finally realise his feelings, luke hit rock bottom, the loneliness consumes him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtingmuke/pseuds/writtingmuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of the first part in Luke's views (its still in 3rd person writting)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love, And I Love, And I Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Muke, thanks for writing a long ass comments for me to continue this work. Enjoy :)

 

 

The ring on his chain serves as a pendant. He’s been holding it in between his pointer and the middle finger since they left the management building. The chain hang on his neck, far enough for him to subtly roll the silver band within his fingers, he just doesn’t want to let it go. Luke remembers buying the cheap silver jewellery, he accidently stumbled into the small shop on Chinatown when they were in New York for the first time. He bought it out of curiosity, and the only person he could ever see wearing the silver band was his bestfriend, Michael.

 

He remembers Michael’s face the next morning when Luke saw the ring adorning his finger. The older boy bit his lips and waved his hand slowly.

 

What he loves the most was whenever they sit on some interviews Michael will play with the silver band, holding it real tight whenever the question got hard and his anxiety kicks in. The small act was more than enough for both of them, Luke know how bad Michael can be whenever he feel sick and restless. He was so glad that the little gift can hold Michael together when he couldn’t.

 

A soft pat landed on his thigh, Luke couldn’t tear his eyes of the ring. “You good?” Its Ashton, Luke knows Ashton was crying. After they met Hax, their manager, all the band members immediately crumbled down. Feeling the weight on their shoulder keep getting heavier and heavier. Without Michael, the band means nothing. Yes they’ve already make it to the big league but Michael was the one who came up with the band. The 16 years old Michael was sitting in his desk watching some shitty cover band on the YouTube and said he could do better. He was the one who called Calum after the fifth cringe video of the night, gasping and excitingly jumping on his bed because fuck yeah—they can do better.

 

Ashton doesn’t want to be in the band if Michael wasn’t. Calum couldn’t handle the overwhelming feelings of performing without his best friend. And Luke wish he know what his heart want.

 

At some point in the meeting, when Hax told them about the sound of Michael crying sometimes under his breath—wanting so bad to be out of the band, Luke can feel his heart dropped, rolling and explodes at once. He doesn’t have anything to offer—Calum could start all over again and make it as a football player, Ashton’s mom had a café back in Sydney, Ashton can manage. Luke just Luke. He wasn’t that good in singing (at least that was half of his fans were saying) he doesn’t have a plan B.

 

He believe that the pain he felt was because his future is now ruin. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

But why does his heart burn whenever the thought of Michael curling on his bed—crying so loud his chest heaves and in pain, just like him. Why does he feel like crying when he remembers the shaky voice of Michael when Ashton called him earlier, asking where in the hell could he be right now.

 

Luke is in great pain but he doesn’t want to admit that Michael was the one who make him feel this way.

 

“He left me this” Luke shows the ring to Ashton and the older boy bits his bottom lip. “I mean, whatever happened between us is over right?”

 

Ashton sit next to him and swiftly wrapping Luke’s broad shoulder sideway with his arms, “Do you want to? Do you want all that to stop?” He hooks his chin on Luke’s bony shoulder.

 

“It pains me inside to think that whatever we have is now—finished”

 

Ashton hum softly to calm him, “do you like him?”

 

“I like everyone Ash”

 

“Do you want him to want you?” Luke knows that Ashton had his eyes close tightly, after the crying everyone is pretty much worn out and they are in need of a long, long nap. Michael just left the band for 5 hours and Luke has lost everything in his life.

 

“I don’t know—but everything hurts. When I see the ring on the drawer beside his bed I can feel everything stop moving. Like this is it, this is where my life stop”

 

“We’d find him tomorrow, don’t worry. When we found that son of a bitch I’d kick him twice and you can kiss him forever. Cal can cry on his shoulder.” He smile weakly, but his voice is shaking and stuck in his throat. Like he’s trying to calm Luke down, but he too was panicking inside. His best friend is nowhere to be found, lying and crying all alone but here he is, calming the one person who is responsible of Michael’s misery.

 

Ashton just couldn’t think straight.

 

“I don’t- I don’t want him in that way Ash..” Luke swallows the pain he feel mentally and physically, Ashton sighs.

 

“Luke, I’m sorry for saying this but get your head out of you fucking ass and just accept that you loves him more than a fucking friend” Luke turn his head to Ashton who is now has loosen his arms around Luke. The older one’s eyes are dead. “You don’t keep the only thing you ever gave to him and whined about it when he doesn’t want you anymore.”

 

“Ash—“

 

“I swear to God, you—you are a fucking baby and I don’t know if I like anymore.”

 

That, the word slipping of Ashton’s lips hit right on and Luke quickly curls to his left. Head resting on Ashton’s collar bone. He doesn’t remember when the tears started to spill. Flowing heavily as sobs leaving his lips. His body’s shaking greatly and all he could feel was Ashton’s palms moving smoothly on his back while he cries his heart out. The pain stuck on his chest and he cries even more—he wanted the pain to stop. He doesn’t want this feeling, he doesn’t want to fall in love with Michael, he wasn’t intend to sleep with the only person who can love him inside out, genuinely without wanting anything back.

 

“I fucking need him back Ash”

 

“Tomorrow, we gonna get him tomorrow” Ashton hums, but the sweet sound of assuring from the older man sink in between Luke’s sobs for help and muttering under his breath. Deep down, in his heart—losing Michael might be the best and worse things that ever happen in their life.

 

 

*** 

 

Tomorrow never came, and Luke hates morning since then.

 

He hates breathing and being alive.

 

He hates the cold bed, feeling heavy and suffocating even when no one is lying there next to him. The white sheet wrinkled but everyone knows, no one ever sleep there. Not after Michael.

 

The first three months were brutal, waking up seems so hard. He either wake up crying or feeling a great, great hollow inside his chest. The heavy feeling on his head won’t go away. He skipped breakfast almost every day and he barely eat without Ashton pushing the food in front of him, the image of Michael sitting across his seat, munching his breakfast and giggling on something totally random he read on the phone seems so clear, so close to reach. He could hear the fainted sound of Michael’s grunted when someone sat on his chair, or when Calum forget to wash his bowl again. He could definitely see Michael walking around with a towel wrapped on his head because he’s changing his colour again, grinning when Ashton yelled on the droplets of water on their floor.

 

He should already accept that Michael is now gone, nowhere to be found and after a year of chasing his shadow he should already give up. Searching him in every small town back in their hometown and across the country. Driving hours and hours on a vague leaked he received from someone on the internet. Claiming to see him walking around with a dog and buying some stuff. From the pictures floating around the internet, Luke knows how happy the boy is, smiling genuinely and eyes beaming. His skin is still pale and the cherry lips stain still has some effects on the younger man, even after a year he doesn’t feel the soft lips against his own.

 

But when they found some silly leaked from their fans, Luke would snatched his keys and drive to the place they claimed they see his best friend. Only to be let down because the picture was already six months old and it was too late for Luke because by now Michael’s already move to another place, like he always does.

 

Its been a year since the last clues and no one knows where Michael is. The band is still there, only there. Nothing much. They’re in their hiatus and some people already claiming that 5 Seconds of Summer is dead, breaking up and worst—irrelevant. Luke can feel his heart tearing because Michael was the one who had the crazy idea of making a fucking band only to leave when they already made it.

 

Like every morning, he’d stand in front of his mirror. Checking the stubble and facial hair he managed to grow, when they started the band Luke and Calum was the baby. They can’t grow their facial hair even after reaching their puberty and when Luke managed to decorate his pale skin with small patch of hair one night Michael cradled his face and kiss his cheeks before they slept with their limbs entangled. They said he’s gonna find Michael tomorrow, but tomorrow never come—He felt like he’s stuck in a fucking spiral, tossing him in a rough cycle of wanting Michael back only to be let down because Michael isn’t going to come back.

 

Luke fall to the ground with tears streaming down his face.

 

***

 

Its already two years, two years without Michael and they haven’t play a single show since. He was right about Ashton, when the band decided to get on with their life and slow down with their band stuff Ashton immediately packed his stuff and flew back to their hometown. He seems rather content making his living by managing his mom café, not to mention he is absolutely in love with making coffee and a girl he found one day in the empty café, when no one bothered to show up after 7 pm. She’s a Korean - she had a long, black hair contrary to her yellowish-pale skin. When she steps under the sun, the once dark, brown eyes begin to lighten up, revealing a pretty, light, big brown eyes. It reminded Ashton of sunrise. Luke never saw him look happier and he is happy with him.

 

Calum doesn’t do football anymore—he stays in LA, producing music and lyrics, with his beautiful, artistic mind he manages to make a lot of beautiful songs. He also met and signs a lot of beautiful, talented singers under him, slowly making his small record company. Calum looks absolutely content and happy. Even after the band, he still wanted to make music and meeting a lot of people he grew up listening too, the tattoos are almost fully covering his brown skins, letting people know his arts inside and out. He look like a proper artist, musician and Luke is so proud of him.

 

Luke couldn’t stay here, his best friends are making something out of nothing and Luke doesn’t want to stay in LA—Not after Michael and the band. The place has brought some happiness to him, but all he could be thinking was the pain he had to endure every day. So he deletes all his social media and change his number and cut all the people around him. Like Ashton, he also packed his stuff and flew back to his home, he couldn’t manage living without his best friends, he just doesn’t want the pain anymore.

 

***

 

A lot of time, when he closed his eyes the image of Michael sitting all alone with his knees against his chest plays in his wicked mind. Luke would see Michael sitting on the couch hooked on the side of the bus, eyes hooded and sad. No body know why Michael was always sad yet so cheerful, no one had the guts to talk to him and make him feels better. Often when everyone sitting on their spot while scrolling through their phone just reaching for their fans over Twitter or Snapchat, Michael would sit on the same spot with his sweater loosely wrapping his small frame, and he’d be drowning with some songs that Calum, himself picked for him. Michael used to be bad, like so bad his wrists were always angry red and wounded. Being his best friend for years taught Calum how to handle him when he’s in depression, the later would wrapped the pale wrist with his favourite colour of bandana. Sometimes, Calum would draw something on it, connecting the scars and making them look beautiful—it was painfully beautiful as Ashton would say.  

 

If Luke knows that all the sneaking kisses and subtle touches from him that making him bad Luke would never made it subtly. He would reach and kiss his forehead and whispers some sweet nothing against his skin. Luke would sit beside him or even pull him in between his legs and wrapped him tightly while sitting on his favourite spot in the bus. Making sure that he had all the warmth he needed rather than subtly pulling the old sweater toward him. They’d share their earphone, listening to some crappy country music that Ashton secretly added into their shared playlist (yes, Luke would made a playlist for them with only cheerful and sappy songs so they could giggles and rolling their eyes whenever the lyrics hit them in the feelings) and just stared at the moving cars around them, intensely gazing on the sky and being amused by the changing of colours behind the tall buildings and green signboards as the time pass.

 

Luke would never leave him alone.

 

But now, two years later, sleeping on his childhood bed where he had his first kiss with Michael and forcing the older boy to never speak about it publicly, he has his tears rolling on the side of his face. He have to breathe from his mouth as his nose is stuffed. Night time is always like this. After he came back to Australia, Liz had been so generous. Cooking him meals after meals and making sure he wasn’t crying alone. They’ve met Karen a few times now, asking for Michael wellbeing. Luke could see him smiling and eating his meals on the table alone, just feeling content as he scrolls down his phone, reading some fan stuff he found online (a habit that no one beside Luke knows) as Karen speaks about his only son. She says that Michael is fine, happy actually.

 

Well, fuck you then Michael. No one in the band are happy. No one wakes up early in the morning so they could walk along the small town, greeting some people alongside their dog. Not him at least.

 

Luke’s feeling was jumbling and mixing up as Karen’s eyes lighten up when she’s talking about her only son. And not even once Luke had asked her for his address even when his heart longs for him. Not that she’d give him though, he knows Michael and once Michael made his mind, no one can say no to him.

 

Luke couldn’t sleep, he was too sad to sleep. Everyone is counting days for him to fall into a great depression since he’s barely sleeps, socialising or even speaks to his family. And people is preparing, ready to pick him back again when he falls. That’s why every night, Ashton would rang him, asking him about his day and telling Luke, his. The chirpy sound of his girlfriend on the background sometimes making Luke smiles and sometime he wish the girl was mute—harsh he know that, but his heart was always longing for something and he couldn’t do anything about that.

 

“I wish you could see him, he’s so pretty” Ashton’s voice echoes in the dark room, Luke has him on speaker and he put his phone flatly on his chest. “He’s a pretty dog, with pretty fur. I think he’s Korean because whenever Erica talk to him in that language he’d bark like crazy—but he’s so silence when I pick him, rolling around with his petite body.”

 

Luke carves a small smile, “a dog huh? Wow, you guys are serious” Ashton caught the sniffles and subtly hoarse voice but he doesn’t want to ask. He doesn’t want Luke to cry any longer and if Luke did cry again, he wanted to be there and wrapped him in a blanket.

 

“I think—she’s the one, Yes, I fucking sound like Ted Mosby now but I really, really have a strong feelings about her okay” The chirpy vibes from Ashton vanished and his voice is now shaking and weak. “I’m just so happy you know”

 

“I know—“ the silver pendants rolls in his long fingers. “I hope she feels the same okay, just don’t let her go” Ashton laugh a little, the younger one could sense the smile vibrate inside the room but he isn’t inspire enough to do the same.

 

“I’d never do that.” it is now silence, “I wish for you too you know, just I want this whole thing to stop and we can be like before again. Two years is long enough for him, I wish he’d come back to us.” The room is now fills with sadness again, Luke hate it. Luke hate it when he feels the dark room began to swallow him alive, pulling his feet and absorbed him into a spiral of bad thoughts about scars and blades. He just doesn’t want to be like that, not yet.

 

“So—“ Luke’s lips turn into a line, his eyes stings from over crying and the chilly wind. “Tell me about Luka”

 

“Oh you wouldn’t believe me,--“

 

 

*** 

 

The day everyone is waiting for is finally arrive, Luke had skipped all the meals his mother has made. He stop breathing sometimes, just to feel his lungs burning inside, just to make sure that his heart is actually beating and it wasn’t his mind that making the thumping sound. He sleeps all the time and whenever Liz come inside the dark room, Luke will either cries his eyes out, face buried into the pillows while his body shaking under his blanket or he’d be sleeping all day, ignoring the sun, his parents or even the night time calls from Ashton.

 

Luke stop talking, sleeping and he wish he could stop moving, he just wanted to lie there on his bed and just die. He literally long for the darkness to consume him and he doesn’t know when its start. He only cries in the dark, numbing his own body, feelings. Liz see him, Liz heart burns in pains. Liz couldn’t just stay there watching her son falling into the great misery when she knows, something can be done.

 

So she calls Calum and Ashton.

 

***

 

Luke stares at the ceiling, his mind wander to the summer time. The hot air nipping his skin and the warm kisses on his pale skin turning him a little darker than before. He loves summer.

 

The door creaks open but he couldn’t be bothered to look.

 

“Hey bub” It’s Ashton.

 

“Hi Lukey” And Calum. Luke immediately pull his thought away and his eyes fall to the two boys. His heart beating fast, too fast for him to handle.

 

“Wh- what are you guys doing here?” Luke still lying flat, his eyes are dead, no soul and he can feels something crawling inside him wanting to get out. Ashton walk across the room, pulling the binder up and finally, after some times the room is finally bright again. The oldest of the three push the window open and turn around to the other two boys.

 

“We’ve missed you buddy” Calum smile widely, sitting on the edge of the bed. His heart breaks when he saw the white bandage around the small wrist. He used to be happy and chirpy—he was the baby in the band. Now he’s dead, soulless. “How are you?”

 

They know its dumb, the question was dumb but Calum couldn’t think of another thing to ask. Not when they haven’t met like for almost a 2 years. They used to celebrate every holidays together, the four of them but now his best friends are scattering around searching for their own happiness. In the process of finding their path, Luke stumbled and fall deeply. He has lost his happiness when Michael decided to leave.

 

“I still miss him—if that’s what you wanted to know” The Maori boy feels his throat tightens and his air supply is cut short. “Everyday seems hard and I am so fucking hollow I doesn’t want to leave the house or even my bed anymore.”

 

“We know bub” Ashton sniffles, how in the hell did he missed this? He called Luke every single night just to make sure that he knows—he wanted Luke to understand that even though they weren’t together anymore, he is still there. He will always be there for Luke and Calum, and even Michael.

 

“We hate to see you like this Luke” Calum snickers, hiding his throaty voice and wipes his tears with the ball of his palms. “—I know where he is”

 

Luke’s eyes, for the first time widen and alive, “He’s in my hometown, he’s in New Zealand”

 

 

*** 

 

Luke stand on the street across the house, the light blue house had a little yellow door and a window next to it. On the ledge he can see the cactus, neatly placed by their size—from the biggest to the smallest. Its screams Michael so much, and when he see the small, red roof dog house in the yard he actually smiling widely. He can see Michael now, so close for him to reach and kiss. He wanted to knock on the yellow door, he wanted to see how Michael would react—heck if Michael wanted to punch him, he’d let him do that.

 

He just wanted to see Michael.

 

His heart aches, the minute that Calum told them that he actually knows where Michael is, he can feel the air filling his lungs, the blood gushing inside his heart and pumped out after—with the fastest paces ever. Luke remembers, seeing the sad brown eyes when he said that Michael was actually staying on his cousin place, in New Zealand. The boy was living alone in a foreign place but Calum’s grandparents were keeping their eyes on him so Michael wouldn’t feel so lonely. Sometimes Calum would stay there with him for a couple weeks, just the two of them doing some stuff together, and Calum can see the older boy was finally happy—it was finally enough for Michael.

 

But sometimes, when the clock ticked at 2 am he can hear sniffles and small whimpers from the next room, Michael was crying alone and Calum was confused, he thought that Michael was finally happy. Michael said he is happy, but sometimes he wish he’d never left the band, he never left the ring on the bedside drawer. When Calum told him that Luke is actually wearing the ring, Michael immediately cries on his shoulder. He missed Luke the most but he doesn’t want to leave this place—not now.

 

Luke cross the empty road, some neighbours are on their garden. Trimming their flowers and grasses. They are mostly old people and parents, doing their morning stuff with their kids. On the bus stop he see some kids, sitting calmly while reading and singing. They look like 8 and 9 years old, lolling their heads happily while waiting for their bus. Its not a chilly morning, everything around him is warm—even his inside is warm. Luke stand in front of the door, taking a deep sigh before lifting his fist to knock on it.

 

Before he could knock, the door abruptly open with a cheerful guy trying to calming his dog down, he’s pulling the strap of his dog but the cute pug doesn’t even move “C’mon Furry, we need to hurry or else we missed the breakfast—“ He finally turn his head forward, face delighted before falters, his whole body is shocking, leaving him standing on his door. Their body freeze, the dog barking loudly and Luke was smiling so big his cheeks started to hurt.

 

“Hi—“

 

***

 

It was a cute coffee shop, they had egg white walls with some golden decoration—frame, the tables and the counter even the chimney’s bricks were yellow, except the blackboard menu, its frame was white while the writing was colourful. Luke found out that today’s menu was omelette with sausage and baked beans on the side. They also had some toast (slathered with their own home made butter) and some coffee which is delicious to say the least.

 

They were sitting on the outside, under the golden umbrella with their meals on the table. Luke sips on his (perfect) coffee (he’d tell Ashton about the coffee and make the older boy mad a little) and lick his lips after, the warm coffee hit his throat and gushing inside his tummy, its been so long since he feels content. The pug, began to crawl on Luke’s boots. Sitting calmly with his head draped over Luke’s smooth boots and the other half on the concrete streets.

 

“Furry no!” The green eyes widen in shock, but the dog just whimpers lowly. He put his head down and calmly settling down.

 

“Its alright, he’s warm” Luke said grinning. The older boy just sit back. People is walking pass them, some of them actually greets him warmly, hugging the older boy before waving to Luke, explaining that they had to rush, and some teenagers come and talk a little bit to the blonde boy—Luke found out that every Friday, Michael would sit in the school hall and teach some of them to play guitars, it was a dream come true he said. Sitting and teaching kids about music.

 

Luke observes the man in front of him, nothing had changed, really—his skin is still pale and he’s still the lanky guy they know. With the band tee shirt and skinny jeans. His hair a little bit longer but it’s blonde, almost blending in with his skin. He’s a little bit chubby since the last time Luke see him, but he still looks beautiful, breath taking even. Remind him of summer and a little bit of springs. The dog whimpers again and Luke grin when he realise that he was staring.

 

“Did Cal send you here?” Luke leans forward, putting his cup on the table.

 

“No—I kinda hit rock bottom when he told me about you” He is, he was almost cutting himself when he never, ever do that before. He was depressed, lack of sleeping but his body was can’t sleep. Lying on his bed while the thoughts munching him alive.

 

“Yeah I heard from Ashton” Michael pull a small smile, and Luke’s heart flutters.

 

“Are you good here?” The later nodded.

 

“Never been happier. This town is just belong, it felt like home the minutes I step in” They both smile, small smile. Luke can finally breathe and even if everything seems so blurry, so fucking helpless, he wanted this to stay. He wanted this and only this.

 

“Do you wanna look around? I can show you the way.” The older boy lean forward, he rip the bacon and toss it to the ground, the small pug immediately jump and run to the meat—munching it fast. Michael let a small giggle, eyes radiating happiness and his skin beaming, glowing like a fucking angel. Luke let a long, long sigh. Tugging his lips to a full smile, he nodded full heartedly.

 

***

 

Its been a week, he had stayed in Michael’s place for a week. They’ve been talking and laughing like they used too but neither of them wanted to talk about why Michael left them. Michael also doesn’t asked why in the world did Luke flew from Australia for him. Michael brought him to the amusement park on the third day—it was fun, Luke could say that and he was so content when he saw Michael laugh so loud his face went red. When Michael’s eyes went big when he finally, after the fifth round managed to hit the can. He won a small plane, a plane with a string attached on it so they could hang them.

 

Michael hang them on his window, every morning when he checked on his cactus, the older boy would play with the plane—just to see it swings around.

 

The next day, he bought him to the mall, buying house stuff all day. The also roamed around the town in Calum’s uncle car, the old sport died in the middle of the road but its okay, they spend the rest of the day in the record shop and bookstore. And sit in a small café as the repair guy fixed their car.

 

Luke sit on his bed, across from his room they’re sound of furniture moving around in Michael’s room. Its ten minutes after midnight so Luke decided to go and check on him.

 

“Michael?” He knocks, the sound immediately stop.

 

The sound of Michael’s sock clad against the floor reach him and after a few seconds, the door open. “Yeah?” the older boy’s chest heaves.

 

“Are you decorating your room?” Luke peeks above him, but the older stand of his toes. Blocking his views. “Michael, what are you doing?” He push the small body away and push the door open a little bit wider.

 

“Nothing, its no—“ Michael jolted away, Luke push him inside and suddenly his lips parted, his breath cut short when he see the nest of pillows in his bed with a tray of strawberries and cream. Next to the tray, The Conjuring froze in the middle of introduction—the title was red and big, everyone can catch it. The younger boy chuckles and turn his head to Michael. His face is now red.

 

“Why are you moving all the stuff when you’re just gonna watch a horror movie?” Michael rub his forehead with his index finger and thumb.

 

“The light—“ Luke’s left eyebrow tilts in confusion. “I wanna hang the fairy lights okay”

 

And the small room fills with Luke’s laugh.

 

*** 

 

 

The movie is reaching to the end, Luke feels his eyes drop but he couldn’t do that. Not with Michael next to him. The older boy had his whole body wrapped with his blue blanket (its Calum but Michael bought it for him when they were 15, so he have all the right to use it, he thinks) some of his blond hair peeks under the blanket, falling on his forehead.

 

“Stop staring, its weird” Luke grins and bit his lower lip. The eerie sound from the movie erupts a few times but Luke doesn’t get scared easily.

 

“M’not,” Michael scoffs, he turn to Luke and rolls his eyes.

 

“You are”

 

“Am not!”

 

“Whatever” the last jump scares pull his soul away, the image of an old ghost on the frame shock him. His heart stop for a few seconds before he regulate his breathing again. “Fuck, that was insane!” He laugh briefly, fixing his heart beat again.

 

“It was okay, I’ve watched it before” Michael gawks and turn to Luke suddenly, their faces feel so close,

 

“That’s unfair, no wonder you aren’t scared to death. I almost shit myself—fuck” He laugh and lean forward, closing his laptop when they roll the name of everyone involved in the story and clean his bed a little.

 

“I think that’s it—Uh-“ He look at Luke and the younger one was still staring. This time the blue eyes are fill with sadness, Michael feels a sudden familiar warmth, a sudden clenching inside his chest, like he used to feel before. He stop feeling like that when he decided to leave the band, to find his happiness hence bringing him here. “What’s wrong Luke?”

 

Luke shrugs, face sour and sad. “Nothing, I just miss you a lot” Michael tugs a small smile and slowly crawl back to Luke’s side. He toss the blanket over them once his arm brush against Luke’s. Covering both of them from the coldness. “Its my last night”

 

“I know” Their back straight against the headboard, Luke eyes fixed on their feet. Counting the fingers poke under the blanket. He wanted Michael to want him to stay, he will stay if the older boy say the word. One word and he’s all Michael’s.

 

“Do you want to come back?” Michael’s smile falters and he turn to Luke. Eyes trailing the face that he adores so fucking much.

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“I want you regardless.” Luke smile, he find Michael’s hand under the blanket and gently he brush the knuckles.

 

“Not yet, not now” Michael turn his hand and give Luke his palm. Immediately, Luke intertwines their fingers, knitting them tightly. His thumb brush the soft skin sometimes and Michael feels his heart explodes in happiness.

 

“Michael—“ The older boy hums, his eyes fall to the blue ones—desperately wanting something from Luke.

 

Luke lean closer, his grip on Michael’s hand tighten and the warmness of Michael’s breath lingers on his lips. His body shaking, anticipating something—anything. “I’ll wait for you” He flicks his eyes, asking his consents. Michael lick his lips and slowly—oh so slowly—their lips met.

 

That night, Michael and Luke finally, for the longest time, found their home again.

 

 

*** 

 

Luke swear the sky was mocking him, the sky was dark—everything is grey and sad. Like his heart.

 

They sit quietly on the waiting lounge, hands on each other while Michael’s head on Luke’s shoulder. Outside, it was windy and raining heavily, he was blessed for a few hours more with Michael so they opted in sitting next to each other. The weather was shit, this morning when they cuddled up naked on Michael’s bed, the rain suddenly pours heavily. Making Michael scoot even closer, burying his head on Luke’s neck.

 

Its bizarre how his mind still remember where and when to touch the older boy, the place to kiss and make him whimpers. And how hard he had to grip on certain areas, leaving bruises and kisses as he moves. Their hearts beat at the same paces as Luke wrapped him tightly—chest to chest while he thrust slowly so Michael could bite him where he can reach. His fingers ran on his back and dig in between Luke’s shoulders blade.

 

Luke remembers saying I love you full heartedly, kissing his lips as he said the words.

 

Luke remembers Michael saying it back, turning him on his back and towering over the younger boy, moaning as Luke buried deeply in him. Throbbing and full pleasure—his head thrown to his back, lips parted while he took over. Demanding pleasure on his pace.

 

Luke remembers Michael’s face when he hit his high, smooth but the same time so intense he drew blood when he bit his bottom lip so hard. After they both hit their final waves, Michael drop on his chest, heaving as he wait for their body to recover.

 

“Do you want to come back in Christmas?” Luke ask, his finger tracing the lines on Michael’s palm.

 

“I don’t know” Luke kiss his temple and sigh.

 

“It’s okay, take your time. I’d wait remember” The thing is, everytime Michael smile or giggles, just a random sound leaving his lips Luke can literally feel the warmness around him. Taking control over his body and leaving him staring fondly to the older boy—which is a constant thing since the first time he arrived, he’s been so in love with Michael he forget he used to be bad before.

 

“I’d still love you, you know—when I left. My heart was yours for the longest time and I couldn’t let you go again. Not after last week. “ Luke kiss his face over and over again, randomly reach for the pale skin.

 

“I will always love you too Michael. I wish you’d come back with me. To your family and fan”

 

“Hey” He sit straight, biting his lips to hold his smile, “I still have fans here you know”

 

“Yeah old people, no one know you’re in NZ, I thought we have fans here” Michael giggles and Luke automatically smile to him.

 

“I don’t hear you complaining though, no one mobbed us. I love it here” Luke nods and kiss his cheek. Michael close his eyes and give his lips. Which Luke happily kiss. They kiss for the longest time, moving in synch and just drown in their feelings. Michael eyes flutters open when Luke slowly pull his face away, the blue eyes shine brightly and Michael knows, he has found his soulmates. The one who was made for him. “ I love you Luke, I will love you now, I loved you before and I will love you forever”

 

Luke feels his breath cut short, out of habit he reach for his pendant. His mind clicks and he quickly pull the chain under his shirt. Michael’s eyes are wide, the silver ring shine and Luke quickly detach the ring from the chain. “It’s not an engagement ring, I’ll give it to you one day and I promise that—“ He pulls the slightly short fingers of Michael, the older boy’s breath hitch, lips parting and his mouth gaping a little. Luke look at the green eyes, making sure that what he’s gonna do is okay. When Michael nod slowly the younger one slide it on his ring finger, “At least now you put in on the right finger” He lean forward, kissing the boy forehead and smile against the skin.

 

“I hate you—“

 

“No you don’t” Michael pull away, cupping Luke’s cheeks and kiss his lips. Pecking it a few time.

 

“I guess you’re right”

 

***

 

3 months passed and Luke couldn’t be any happier, he started to play his guitar again. He left for LA a few days after he landed back in Sydney. His mom was crying non-stop but he just chuckles. She thought she lost him, but the minute Luke walked inside their home, face cleaned from facial hair with a big smile on his face, her heart swelled and explode on the sight.

 

He’s in LA with Calum, playing music and writing lyrics. He’s so in love all his songs just screams Michael and Michael. Sometimes they called and skype, but to find the time was hard, they made it works though. The smallest thing they do was texting and Luke found himself always text the older boy every day. Making sure that Michael knows that he wasn’t alone.

 

He is just so happy, he never wanted to leave Michael ever again.

 

Calum is glad that both of his best friends are fine, sometimes he popped up in their skypes. Making noises and rolls his eyes when Michael give Luke his heart eyes. It just fun seeing them like this, happily in a relationship—and most important thing is, they have put their feelings first and never a day pass with Calum thanking the God for giving his friend back, 10 times better this time.

 

 

***

 

It’s Christmas, Luke already roamed around the town, searching for the best gifts for everyone. This year, like the last Christmas, they celebrates in Sydney. So everyone can come and eat together. They arrived 3 days earlier and Ashton was the one who was waited for them on the airport. Erica couldn’t come, she’s managing the café and of course she was too tired from handling her morning sickness—Calum cried when Ashton told them about his baby on the way home.

 

“Come on Luke, everyone is already there! I don’t wanna miss the pecan pie” Liz Hemmings yell from their kitchen but Luke hasn’t found his Christmas socks yet—the green socks had a tree on it, decorated with their face (their team thought it was Christmassy but it was cringey).

 

“But mom, I haven’t found my socks yet!” He yelled back from up stair.

 

“You know what, we’re gonna leave first—you can stay hear mopping or just pick another socks and come with us” Luke scoffs, he close his wardrobe and stomps like a kid. When he reach the last stairs Liz immediately wraps her little baby in a peach scarf. Pulling Luke a little so he bend forward. She kiss his forehead and pat his cheeks a couple of time. Luke roll his eyes but his heart flutters on the affection.

 

They leave exactly 10 minutes after (Andrew couldn’t find his favourite spoon, Liz had to rummage the spoon drawer only to find them in his room (or his man cave as Andrew would claims), Luke shakes his head, how is this his life)

 

 

***

 

The house was full, The Irwins and the Hoods scatters around. Making a small talk with each other and just laughing with a glass of wine on their hand. Luke sit on the couch next to Mali, on the floor is Calum with a dog on his lap. Ash and Erica sitting across him, Ashton keep rubbing the small belly and Erica just laugh fondly as the boy keep on leaning his head to her—she rubs his head gently and calling him an idiot because she’s only 3 months old. Mali keep on talking about New York and her boyfriend come with a plate of pie. She scoots closer to Luke and he plop down next to her. Kissing her cheeks and fed her sometimes.

 

Everyone seems content with each other – even calum seems happy with the dog.

 

Luke sigh, he miss Michael so much but Michael doesn’t want to come home yet. Even when Luke said he’d wait for him, the younger boy still sometimes feels empty without his boyfriend there, he wanted to hold hands and kissed his cheeks. Beating him in a game and called him an idiot, just because.

 

There was a knock on their door and somehow everyone suddenly turn silence. Like they were in one of those horror films and a murderer is knocking on their door—wanting to rip their head one by one.

 

The house fills with silence, the small talks stop and the big laugh from the fathers are cut short. Luke turn his head away from the door and look at the room, everyone is looking at him with a small smiles tugs on their face.

 

Horrifying, yeah Luke knows that.

 

“Can you open the door Luke?” It was Karen, she is sitting with the moms across the room and somehow the moms was all looking at him. Luke tilt his head in confusion. He stand up regardless, biting his lips as he walk to the door.

 

He pull the wooden door and his eyes are almost pop out of the sockets. His body shivering and the once silence room is now fills with laughter, a loud coos and Ashton little giggle.

 

“Hi” Luke doesn’t realise when he started to cry, suddenly his eyes fill with tears. “Merry Christmas Luke” The guy in the heavy jackets and black beanie stand on the door. He leans closer and immediately closed the gap. His hand snakes to Luke’s back and he buries his head on Luke’s shoulder. Kissing the clothed shoulder.

 

“Fucking hell Michael” He says before cupping the older boy’s cheeks, pushing him away slightly before his tears fall. He leans and kiss the boy’s face. The cooes from inside erupt again and Luke immediately kiss the red lips—

 

_Michael Clifford is back._

 

**Author's Note:**

> told ya I hate sad endings :( thanks for reading this (my heart hurts when its finished. 7K is a lot for a crappy writter.)


End file.
